Waiting at a red light, I noticed something moving out of the corner of my eye. When I turned, I saw a homeless man clutching a stop sign and shaking it violently. Suddenly, he fell onto the sidewalk. His whole body starts convulsing until, finally, he pukes up a yellow liquid. Then the light turned […]Read more "The Charms of City Living: Vomit, Trash, and $200 Bus Tickets"
After nursing my Pumpkin beer hangover with an array of toasted breads and Gilmore Girls episodes, I found myself reminiscing on all my former Hallow-eve nights. All the clichés were there: costumes, over-indulging in candy, trick-or-treating with my parents, and the off-hand comments on my breasts. Yes, all the bases were covered. And yet, during my […]Read more "Halloween: A Retrospect"
It was a Friday night and I needed to use the bathroom. We were at a minor league softball game, and the toilets were inside a trailer. That already spelled trouble. If someone is storing something inside a trailer, that person is basically saying “I give zero fucks about this.” As soon as I stepped […]Read more "The Ladies Room is Anything But(t)"
No one ever taught me how to take shorthand. No one ever taught me how to use an abacus either, but I can still add. So just because I don’t know what shorthand looks like, doesn’t mean I can’t do one hell of a job faking it. And that’s exactly what I’m doing as my […]Read more "Workplace Survival Guide Lesson 5: Tube Tops are for the Beach"
This isn’t my drink. I know this because I didn’t order it. The Barista, however, disagrees. She’s holding my cup at the end of the counter, waiting for me to come claim it. As I make my way down the bar, I completely intend on telling her she made a mistake. I don’t care what she […]Read more "This Intimidated Youth Sponsored By: Mattel"
How would you describe yourself? Hispanic or Latino Not Hispanic or Latino Unknown As I circled option C on my job application, I imagined how mysterious I would sound to the HR rep. I could see him. Set up in his cramped, badly lit office, stacks of applications in front of him. Paper cut after […]Read more "Land of the Free, Home of the Jobless"
Standing in front of my bedroom mirror, I wondered how I had gotten to this point. I should mention that while I was standing there the pants that had fit so snuggly a few months ago were now slowly cutting off circulation to my thighs. So there I stood, my calves undoubtedly turning blue, wondering […]Read more "If I Walk Through the Drive-Thru, Does That Count as Exercise?"