What can be said about breakups that hasn’t already been said by that one smug friend who seems to suddenly have their life together just as yours is falling apart? I’d like to know where that foresight was when you leased that Ford Fiesta, Heather. I can’t stand here and tell you that I’m going […]Read more "Taco Bell has Breakfast? Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Handle My Breakup"
If you were one of the 16.9M people that tuned into watch “Bruce Jenner – The Interview” then you know the very publicized story of how former Olympian Bruce Jenner has publicly announced his plans to transform himself into a woman and claim the sexual identity that he believes he deserves. This is not an […]Read more "Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman…Maybe Bruce Jenner?"
Waiting at a red light, I noticed something moving out of the corner of my eye. When I turned, I saw a homeless man clutching a stop sign and shaking it violently. Suddenly, he fell onto the sidewalk. His whole body starts convulsing until, finally, he pukes up a yellow liquid. Then the light turned […]Read more "The Charms of City Living: Vomit, Trash, and $200 Bus Tickets"
After nursing my Pumpkin beer hangover with an array of toasted breads and Gilmore Girls episodes, I found myself reminiscing on all my former Hallow-eve nights. All the clichés were there: costumes, over-indulging in candy, trick-or-treating with my parents, and the off-hand comments on my breasts. Yes, all the bases were covered. And yet, during my […]Read more "Halloween: A Retrospect"
It was a Friday night and I needed to use the bathroom. We were at a minor league softball game, and the toilets were inside a trailer. That already spelled trouble. If someone is storing something inside a trailer, that person is basically saying “I give zero fucks about this.” As soon as I stepped […]Read more "The Ladies Room is Anything But(t)"
No one ever taught me how to take shorthand. No one ever taught me how to use an abacus either, but I can still add. So just because I don’t know what shorthand looks like, doesn’t mean I can’t do one hell of a job faking it. And that’s exactly what I’m doing as my […]Read more "Workplace Survival Guide Lesson 5: Tube Tops are for the Beach"
This isn’t my drink. I know this because I didn’t order it. The Barista, however, disagrees. She’s holding my cup at the end of the counter, waiting for me to come claim it. As I make my way down the bar, I completely intend on telling her she made a mistake. I don’t care what she […]Read more "This Intimidated Youth Sponsored By: Mattel"